These Are The Love of My Life

Christmas 2006 - The Lysaker Children, Storm, Soren and Audrey ____________________________________

These three beautiful children are my three. They are the love of my life. There is never a day that they do not amaze me, nor cease to teach me something new about myself as a parent. I am so thankful for them. They have their moments, as I am sure most children do, but these are my great and wonderful, artistic, dramatic, beautiful... gifts. The only gifts I need under the tree are these three. I don't need any other gift. I would love to take them one day to Disney World, or to Epcott Center... and watch their eyes bug out at all of the fun rides and things to do, but I've not been able to do that yet for them. As a single mom, I do all that I can just to make sure we keep a roof over our head. And in that department, I am learning more and more every day what it means to trust an unseen God.

I do all kinds of freelance work. I have to work out of my home as my three have to be schooled at home because of some of their special needs. Hence, I've taken up all kinds of things to do to bring in income. I have done paint jobs, faux paint jobs, performed concerts, taught seminars, teach voice and piano, fixed plumbing, put in lawns, done minor handywoman jobs such as putting knobs and fixtures on kitchen cabinets and walls for the elderly. I have even learned how to fix my car (yes, I can put in my own water pump). I am learning how to do all kinds of things. There are days when I am challenged in my body... those are the days when I get frustrated because I cannot earn like I want to earn. Yet, as my Pastor, Dony McGuire, says, there are times when "God makes you lie down in green pastures... to forces you to rest."

About three years ago, I suffered a severe headache in August 2004, out of the blue. I'd never had a migraine before, nor any other kind of severe headache that put me in the emergency room. But this headache was a kicker and caused me to get nauseated and my face began to contort, so I had to have a friend take me to the emergency room. Twelve hours later, a few pain shots, a lumbar puncture, a CT scan, and a lot of doctors not knowing what had happened, they sent me home. I have been seeing a neurologist for the past two years with them doing all kinds of blood tests, neurological tests, and other tests to determine what is happening to my body. I've had them think I had Multiple Schlerosis, Fibromyalgia, Psychiatric pain, IBS, and all kinds of other maladies. We still don't really know what the real deal is. I just have days when I cannot function at all and have severe headaches and severe body pain. As a singer, I have had difficulty with my throat narrowing (not a good thing)... so they've dilated my throat a couple of times.

Most of my medical issues, I keep from my kids. It is not easy on them because I am their constant. They get way upset when I am not well. Yet, I just keep believing that if I take better care of my body and keep holding on to my faith, I can get through all of this. They did determine that I have a form of narcolepsy which they help me with adding a medication to keep me awake during the daytime. That in and of itself was a lifesaver. I just couldn't figure out why I was falling asleep all the time... LOL... if only it was always that easy.

Tonight has been one of those evenings when I've not been able to do much. I worked hard all day getting a car ready to sell and I've been stripping a piano (yes, my son and I have started restoring pianos too). But tonight, I've had to settle for vegging. That means I have to work harder at trusting God to provide financially. Since I am someone who likes to get things done, I've had to adapt an attitude of grace into my life that accepts the fact that I am not going to get things done as quickly as other people get them done. When I find myself stressed, it is usually because I have found myself letting others pressure me to live by their schedule. I then remember that I have to maintain the schedule that my body and my children's bodies can do. Then the stress disappears.

Having special needs that are not always readily apparent to others is not always an easy to be... but it is the place where my children and I are, so we must exist here. I am learning to allow more joy into our lives and to stop allowing others to beat us up if we don't meet their deadlines. Life is just too short for the crapola. When we discover that each of us is here for a specific purpose, we will then realize that we are each gifted to do a specific thing in the world and in the middle of doing that thing... we will find the grace to do it all without stress and actually find joy in doing it.

The trips to Disney World... well, they will have to wait until I have the ability to take them. I will also have to have three college students to help my kids go on rides as I can't do it all by myself anymore... but that is ok cause I know when the time is right, it will come together. If I am faithful to love others as God puts them in my path, then God will take care of loving me.

I just want to get it right while I'm alive on this earth... that is all... and if I can't get it right with these three... the loves of my life, then I don't have a reason to live on this earth. These three lives are the most important lives of any other lives that I will ever touch, so it is tantamount that I place my focus first on them. The rest of it will all fall into place.

I guess I'm writing this tonight for someone, so just know that if you are facing some difficult challenge... you have it in you to get through it. I have been through so much in my short 45 years... and I am still alive and kicking. So... realize that you are worth it, you have the ability to make it through and then look for the light at the end of the tunnel... and I will be there holding the lantern cheering you on.

Merry Christmas.... from RamyB and my children, The Lysaker Children, Storm, Soren and Audrey