The answer to this question, is simply... moment by moment. When your loved one knows the Lord Jesus, there is the renewed hope that your loved one has passed on into eternity and is living with Jesus, the angels and others who have already passed to the other side. There is no one who can really tell you the right words... in fact, sometimes, what you will really need is the presence of trusted loved ones for days, months and even years after your loved one has made their transition from this life to the next.
It is HARD to be left behind. No one can really imagine just how hard it is. It is something you have to walk through. Thankfully, Father God created our brains in such a way as to help us through these significantly traumatic times. Our emotional brain, the amygdala, will bypass the cognitive brain temporarily and run on autopilot in an effort to help your body get through the amazing stress. Then as days go by, little by little, your emotions come alive again. You cease being numb and the reality of the absence of this precious life hits you. These are times when you must not go it alone. You must take the time to call someone who can get you through these days.
Be especially kind to yourself... take hot baths, hire a maid, take walks, sit in silence with best friends and enjoy one another's company. Draw from around you the strength that others have to present to you. It is okay for men to cry. Grieve and grieve fully. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to get through it and move on. Sowing a trusted loved one into heaven is the toughest kind of seed you can sow. It is precious seed.
Know that you will get through this time. You will learn to breathe again. You will be able to sing songs again. Right now, the pain is very real... and there is no need to hide it. If you have to, take some time off of work, or switch to a job where you don't have to interact with people, so you can grieve while you work. Ask co-workers to allow you the space to grieve. Believe in yourself.
You are also precious. If you get depressed and cannot get up out of the depression, see a doctor who can help you. Talk to someone... get help. Call a crisis line. There are people out there who have walked through the very same things you are walking through. Join a grief recovery group. Share your story and be present for someone else walking through the loss of a loved one. Together, you will journey on towards wholeness and you will have gained a new friend.
Just know that I understand how tender and raw you might be right now and I believe that Father God is especially close to those who are broken hearted. Reach up, open your arms and allow Him to flood you with His comforting peace. For you will.... find peace.
Be kind to yourself dear ones... you can get through this time. Believe... have hope... you will see your loved one again when we all pass from this world into the next in eternity.
With love,
RamyB
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