The End of a Decade - 2009, The Pruning Process

It amazes me how fast time seems to fly past me. It also seems to be only yesterday that we moved from Nashville to Denver, yet it has been over a year. This year was not as easy as I wish it could have been. Dad fell ill in late May and after four weeks in ICU and multiple infections, went home to be with the Lord Jesus. A short 12 days later, his brother-in-law, my uncle, also passed from this life to the next. Shortly after that death, my dad's other brother-in-law passed away. Only 11 weeks total from the time Dad breathed his last. So my cousins and I have all endured significant life change, learning to live life without our fathers.

My dad considered so many different aspects of life, but in the last six years continued to decline. He was a generous man, yet conservative in almost all of life. After all, my mother and he were married just short of 57 years.

Before coming to Denver, we had to leave our apartment as well as our house in 2008. These changes were not easy for my children to walk through. I am still struggling with some of the ramifications of why we lost our houses, yet I know that each life challenge brings growth rings to our existence.

Have you ever looked at a tree when you cut it down? Each year, a ring grows around the trunk of the tree. Smaller rings represent lean years, and thick rings represent lush years. Now, I am one who doesn't really aspire to be a tree trunk, but the lesson of the tree I do understand, mainly that there are seasons in one's prosperity. There are years where there is a lot of pruning of overgrowth, or pruning of dead wood. Skilled pruners only prune during the late fall or early spring before the growing season begins. I believe these observations can be applied to the dead areas of our life that are not producing fruit. Every time a tree is pruned correctly, it produces a greater harvest not necessarily the very next year, but the year following. It obviously takes time to recover from the seasons of severe pruning.

Many Christians seem to think that every day of every part of their life should be a happy one, especially because we know that Christ lives within us. Yet, I truly believe that Christ wants to perfect in us true character that is free from dead wood. I think that it is important to welcome the pruning years. Without them, we would be living trees that are vulnerable to limb breakage, overcrowding, and non-productivity. This doesn't mean that the Gardener (Christ) abandons us in the midst of our pruning; rather, He watches carefully to make sure that the cuts are clean, appropriately placed and sealed so disease cannot permeate our being. In this way, the Lord Jesus skillfully and gently brings us forward in our unique placement in and amongst a very human society. There are attitudes, belief systems, and actions that all affect our ability to be light in dark places. When we submit to the skillful Gardener's hands, we, in essence, agree to the pruning process. If we agree to this process, we cannot then complain about it as we willfully agreed to be pruned. The hope is that by ridding our lives of negative attitudes, destructive beliefs, and reactions, we become bright, effectual life changers.

Therefore, when death knocks at your door or at the doors of your loved ones, be willing to look at the places that grief has a tendency to expose that are in need of pruning. Take the opportunity to consider where you have traveled, where you are traveling now and where you want to travel in the future. Your success depends on complete submission to the process of getting rid of the undesirable, yet instilling desirable qualities. As we walk forward into 2010, it is important to consider what goals are worthy of pursuing, how to develop the weak areas of our characters, so that they become strengths, and to take the time to renew our minds.

All in all, it is a good place to be... humble, honest, and honorable. Pruning teaches us to persevere, to produce, and to prepare ourselves for the greatest harvests of our lifetimes. I look forward to what the Lord Jesus Christ will produce in me. How about you?

Take care and have a safe New Year!

With Love,
RamyB

(C) 2009, Ramy Bakke, Bakke Music Group

How Do I Get Through the Death of a Love One?

The answer to this question, is simply... moment by moment. When your loved one knows the Lord Jesus, there is the renewed hope that your loved one has passed on into eternity and is living with Jesus, the angels and others who have already passed to the other side. There is no one who can really tell you the right words... in fact, sometimes, what you will really need is the presence of trusted loved ones for days, months and even years after your loved one has made their transition from this life to the next.

It is HARD to be left behind. No one can really imagine just how hard it is. It is something you have to walk through. Thankfully, Father God created our brains in such a way as to help us through these significantly traumatic times. Our emotional brain, the amygdala, will bypass the cognitive brain temporarily and run on autopilot in an effort to help your body get through the amazing stress. Then as days go by, little by little, your emotions come alive again. You cease being numb and the reality of the absence of this precious life hits you. These are times when you must not go it alone. You must take the time to call someone who can get you through these days.

Be especially kind to yourself... take hot baths, hire a maid, take walks, sit in silence with best friends and enjoy one another's company. Draw from around you the strength that others have to present to you. It is okay for men to cry. Grieve and grieve fully. Don't let anyone tell you that you have to get through it and move on. Sowing a trusted loved one into heaven is the toughest kind of seed you can sow. It is precious seed.

Know that you will get through this time. You will learn to breathe again. You will be able to sing songs again. Right now, the pain is very real... and there is no need to hide it. If you have to, take some time off of work, or switch to a job where you don't have to interact with people, so you can grieve while you work. Ask co-workers to allow you the space to grieve. Believe in yourself.

You are also precious. If you get depressed and cannot get up out of the depression, see a doctor who can help you. Talk to someone... get help. Call a crisis line. There are people out there who have walked through the very same things you are walking through. Join a grief recovery group. Share your story and be present for someone else walking through the loss of a loved one. Together, you will journey on towards wholeness and you will have gained a new friend.

Just know that I understand how tender and raw you might be right now and I believe that Father God is especially close to those who are broken hearted. Reach up, open your arms and allow Him to flood you with His comforting peace. For you will.... find peace.

Be kind to yourself dear ones... you can get through this time. Believe... have hope... you will see your loved one again when we all pass from this world into the next in eternity.

With love,
RamyB